Misery Business
by myLITTLEnekoSHIRO
Summary: My name is Kensei Muguruma. This is Shuuhei. My lover. Or at least, it's what I like telling him. Kensei's POV contains child abuse, angst and the whole shbang


**Made while listening to Misery Business by Paramore hence the title. I hope I got the message and emotions across. Was a tough piece to write because I was constantly frustrated with the flow of it. **

**Enjoy!**

'Shuuhei, can you get me that leftover roast beef in the fridge? I'm starving.'

'Sure.'

The pitter patter of light feet left the living room.

_SMASH!_

I thundered into the tiny kitchenette, heart pounding and eyes wide in panic.

'Shuu?! Are you alright?'

He's standing next to the fridge, door wide up open, and just staring into it. Sighing in relief, I approached him. Something crunched beneath my slippers. Shit, there was glass and beef everywhere. And Shuuhei wasn't wearing any shoes. Fuck…

'Shuu, come on, let's get you out of here,' I murmured, reaching out to rub his shoulders. The boy frowned.

'I wanted to get something…' he murmured, looking straight at the fridge as if in deep thought. 'What was it?'

'Roast beef, Shuu,' I replied helpfully. He finally turned to me, eyes blank.

'Who're you?' he asked in a daze. I gulped painfully.

My name is Kensei Muguruma. This is Shuuhei. My lover. Or at least, it's what I like telling him. You see, Shuuhei has anterograde amnesia.

* * *

I met Shuuhei through a mutual friend. Actually, mutual friend's friend's friend. Well, he was that guy's little brother. Damn fucker…

Shinji and I were basically delivering packages to his place. That's how I saw Shuuhei. First thing I thought was how the _hell_ were those two related? Shuuhei was all dark and rather good-looking for a 16-year old. His brother, Gin, was just…pale and creepy as fuck.

'Hi,' I greeted him. Unlike that snake, the kid looked friendly. 'I'm Kensei.'

The boy pushed a lock his long hair behind his ear as he observed me.

'Shuuhei,' he answered quietly. 'My name is Shuuhei.'

A loud, raucous laughter rang out behind me. I whirled around and glared at a grinning Gin.

'What the hell is so funny?' I growled.

'Oh, nothing,' he chuckled, eyes shining rather maliciously. 'Just felt like laughing.'

* * *

'Where's Shuuhei?' I asked one day. Hadn't seen him around for a while.

The reptilian bastard smirked as he counting the money I had handed him.

'He's in good hands.'

I didn't trust him.

* * *

'You sick _fuck_,' I growled, slamming the bastard against a wall.

'What?' Gin laughed breathlessly. He smirked at me. 'Don't tell me you weren't turned on seeing my brother getting fucked by another guy.'

I shoved him even harder against the concrete. He winced in pain. Good.

'I _was_ fucking _pissed _when I saw him _begging _you to save him_. _He's your _brother. _You're supposed to _protect_ him. Not hand him to perverts on a fucking silver platter.'

He grinned sadistically.

'Listen, I'm just doing what I can to survive,' he drawled. 'If I gotta let a few guys fuck my baby brother for some cash, then who am I to-!'

I didn't want to hear anymore. I just smashed my fist into his jaw before grabbing a confused, half-naked Shuuhei and dragging him out of his dump of a house.

'You think _you're_ any better than me?!' Gin laughed hysterically from the floor. '_Please_! I've seen the way you look at him! You just want to take him home and make him your personal _fuck toy_! You're no different from _me_. We're in a world where misery is a fucking business! You just trade up to whatever is less painful but that doesn't make it any fucking better! So go ahead! Take him for all I care! But he's a fucking _freak _and don't you _dare _come begging me to take him back!'

I slammed the door as he laughed his ass off.

The boy started panicking before we even reached my car.

'Where's Gin?' he whispered fearfully. He was crying. Shit. 'Where's my brother? I want my brother.'

'Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. Your brother…he wasn't treating you right.'

'Gin would never. Gin's my brother. You're _wrong_.' He squeezed his eyes shut, tears streaming. 'You're wrong, you're wrong, you're-!'

'Alright, alright, take it easy!' I grabbed his arm and shook him. He was scaring_ me_. Just what the hell had Gin _done _to make him so dependent on the creep? 'Look, we'll sort things out. Just…just calm down.'

His body relaxed slightly, his eyes now trained on me out of curiosity rather than fear.

'Do I know you?' he murmured.

'Yeah, we've met before.'

The boy stared at me like I had grown an extra head.

'Sorry,' he murmured helplessly. 'But I've never seen you before in my life.'

* * *

I thought it was just a moment of confusion. Or maybe trauma. Never thought it would be…

'Anterograde amnesia,' Dr. Unohana remarked, looking over her notes of Shuuhei's physical exam. 'Lacking the ability to make new memories. Probably due to an accident in his late childhood. It's how he still remembers his brother. That man was probably Shuuhei's safety net before his amnesia, so it's no surprise that his presence is what keeps him sane and grounded now.'

I curled my hands into fists.

That fucker _knew_. He _knew _his brother had this problem. It was how he could do all those despicable things to Shuuhei and get away with it. Because no matter what Shuuhei would _always _stay by his side. His _loving _brother. It made me sick.

'This is a very delicate situation, Mr. Muguruma. I strongly urge you to admit him in a program for children like-'

'No.'

'Pardon?'

'I said no.' I looked Unohana right in the eyes. 'He's my responsibility now. So I'll take care of him.'

'Do not take this lightly, Mr. Muguruma. Anterograde amnesia is an _unstable _brain defect. You might regret your decision one day.'

I pressed a hand on the glass, my eyes now trained on the lithe boy in the other room.

'I'll manage.'

* * *

'What's this?'

'It's a notebook, Shuuhei. To help you remember things.'

'Really? Thank you so much, sir! How did you know I had trouble remembering things?'

I forced a smile as I watched him cradle it against his chest in joy. Then he looked at me, smiling brightly.

'Can I know your name?' he asked eagerly. 'You seem like a nice guy so I think I want you to be the first thing I remember.'

I felt really weird and tingly when he said that.

* * *

'Where is it?! Where is it?!'

'What the-hey!' I almost got nailed by a pillow as I walked into the living room. 'Shuuhei, what're you looking for?'

'I don't know!' he shouted in fright, clutching his hair and staring wildly at the floor. 'I don't know, I don't know, I don't know…'

It was scaring me. I've never seen him do that before. That's when I noticed he didn't have his notebook with him.

'Is it your notebook? Are you looking for your notebook, Shuuhei?'

I reached out to touch his shoulder but he slapped it away roughly.

'Don't touch me!' he screamed, shoving past me only to stand in the middle of the room like a lost child.

'Shuuhei…'

'I want to go home,' I heard him whisper as I came closer. 'I want to go home. I want Gin. I want my brother. I want…'

I felt my chest twinge in pain. I ground my teeth. Why the _hell _did he need _that _jackass?

I suddenly grabbed Shuuhei's shoulders and spun him around to face me.

'You don't need him,' I spat. 'You've got _me_.'

He winced as I dug my nails into his arms, watching him squirm. I didn't care. I wanted him to acknowledge the pain; acknowledge _me. _Not his brother. _ME._

'Let me go! You're hurting me! I don't want you! I want Gin! Gin, please save me!'

Something snapped inside me. I'm not proud of what I did. In fact I hate myself. I hate myself so much I wish I had died at that moment.

'You want your brother that badly?!' I roared in his face. '_FINE_!'

I threw him roughly on the couch, loosening my tie as I climbed on top of him. He wanted his brother? _Fine,_ I'll give him _exactly _what he wants.

I was breathing hard, anticipation making my nerves tingle. I didn't even register his frantic attempts to escape. They were nothing. I was stronger than him. I always was. So it was easy to take advantage of him.

God, I was fucked up.

I thrust in without preparation. As soon as I was enveloped inside his tight heat, I felt like I was going to cum. Stars danced before my eyes at the exquisite feel. People were right. This was way better than fucking a woman.

He was sobbing, shrieking hysterically when I moved. I kept his hands over his head, preventing him from clawing my face off, and his trembling legs over my shoulders so they kicked uselessly in the air. All he could do was beg, and cry, and shiver as I thrust into him again and again and again. Each time I jerked forward, each time I saw tears escape his eyes, I felt something die inside me.

And I realized I was madly in love with the boy.

* * *

Shuuhei smiled sheepishly as I walked in for breakfast the next day. There was a plate of French toast waiting for me on the counter.

'Hello,' he said brightly. 'Um, I want to apologize for intruding into your home. I guess I got lost while looking for my brother and wandered in here by mistake. I made French toast if you want any. It's all I can make so I hope you-sir, are you _crying_? Please don't cry! Is it something I said? Sir?!'

* * *

I found his notebook. Curious, I turned to the first page…

_Kensei Muguruma is the most amazing person in the world. He will ALWAYS protect you, Shuuhei!_

I didn't read any further. That night I burned the book in the fireplace.

* * *

I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I pictured his face screwed up in pain, his eyes spilling with tears and his mouth twisted in a scream as I raped him. You wanna know the worst part? I was getting hard at the thought. I fucking hated myself.

I trudged into the living room at 4AM, flipping on the TV. I didn't watch anything. I just liked some noise while I mulled over stuff.

I couldn't go on living like this. This was…this was _torture. _

What if he had a breakdown again? What if I lost my cool again? What if…what if he _remembered _what I did and ran away? He'd be torn, he'd be hurt, he'd be _hysterical_. That kid was a loose cannon. What the _hell _was I _thinking _taking him in?

Gin was right. Minute I saw that kid I wanted him. I may have denied it then but I wanted him _bad. _I wanted to make him mine and mine alone. I was no different from Gin. In fact, I was worse.

My insides churned.

I'm going to Children's Welfare tomorrow. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't afford any more pain. For me or for-

I started, feeling a body curl up next to me on the couch. I looked down and raised an eyebrow.

'Shuu?' I murmured. The boy hummed, nuzzling into my neck before kissing it. His body was warm and I happily wrapped an arm around him, squeezing lightly. Then I froze.

'Do you…know who I am?' I asked uneasily.

'No.'

My heart dropped. Then, Shuuhei looked up, smiling softly.

'But I feel like I should,' he mused. 'And that's what matters right now.'

He rested his head back on my chest. After a moment, I rested mine on top of his.

Yeah…yeah, I guess that does.


End file.
